Tab picked me up and we came back to her home. things were ok .. fuzzy memory ..anyway.. i had already liked her from when i had been talkingto her on the phone for about 2 weeks or so. so when i saw her.. i really thought she was beautiful... even though she probably wouldn't agree. any way.. we got back to her place and it was.. i guess just like any other first time at someone's house for me ..i suppose..anyway.. i think the whole ting started online and basically progressed from there on... soto speak.
anyway, onto the other bits. we faced the fact that we were both attracted to eachother and liked eachother. this being the third day now.. i was really stressed about the whole possibility of having a serious relationship with her. she had basically stated (as far as my memory serves me) that the relationship would only be something more if she saw me fit to be in her childs life..or something like that. so .. basically.. i was being mean to her kid .. really mean.. for the first like.. 4 days of being at her place.. well Tab and i had a talk and it got a lot off my mindand i chilled.. and as far as i know i have been being nicer to her kid.. but now i can't keep from having her upset with me for something.. at this current time.. she is sleeping.. and i would be but i seem to of done something.. or not answered something and she doesn't want to talk about it.. she wont tell me.. so .. once again.. the guy is clueless.... the guy being me..and it is just really upsetting.. i'm sure it is for her too..but i just think one of us is totally over reacting over something.. over all.. i just don't know what is going on.. we go to lover's lane today right.. well.. blah blah ..i got upset.. we got over it.. i think.. i don't read minds.. anyway.. the whole relationship thing... is frustrating.. and i really want to know if we can make this work.. but it wont work unless we get over these common beginning spats by working together and talking.
i enjoy being around her.. and i can understand that she has a lot on her mind.. so i try my very best not to over react and like.. freak out completely.. but GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR lol.. i have never done a relationshio like this before and all of this is really different to me..some of it i like.. some makes me want to blow my head off.
This whole thing i guess.. it just makes me so confused at times... like right now.. i don't know that just because i am getting tired i should go lay down next to her.. and second of that.. i'm not sure i could sleep anyway if i did...because i have a feeling everything would just come back to me again and i would end up laying there staring at things all day/night. and now i am just staring at the computer screen... watching the cursor blink... oh.. almost forgot..
Tab's sister.. she is really kool.. i am helping her with her website back ground shit at the time .. i have a feeling i wont get to help her with anything else... just a fear.. a fear of not being here again to help.. i just hope it's just me being paranoid as ussual.... i hate having my thoughts.. they fucking blow Mike's nasty ass.. and since i didn't mention all that much about the kid.. she is a handfull..all kids are for some people. she is a good kid at heart i think.. she is cute and really funny sometimes.. and i think i'm going to end this because the computer is actinglike it may freeze.