last night Nikki and Frank came over with two other guys and they got me high as fuck for my birthday. Frank said something that was sort of touching.. he said he missed playing music with me. i had always figured he didn't like the way i played. we jammed a little in the comp room... my god i can't play with people anymore! lol.. i need to get back into the loop, ofcourse.. it may also have been because i was so stoned i was hearing notes that don't exist.. lol.

it's nice to have friends like nikki who are nice and care, because it really helps me with my depression. since i'm in the topic of people... let's discuss Tabitha for a moment. Tabitha is a really kool chick, she may not always have time online to pay attention to my every word, but.. i understand, so it isn't as bad as it would be if she did it in a way that seemed intentional. i mean.. don't get me wrong, it bugs me... but.. i get over it most of the time. i can't figure out how to talk to her without being the me that only new people see most of the time.. i just can't seem to open up emotionally to her enough to relax enough. This whole thing with her and Ian.. where Ian gets jelious of me talking to her on the phone or watching the cam while i talk to her.. (i guess that is what upsets him anyway) is just confusing.. i mean.. he would have to be really insecure about her (which i could understand.....) to get jelious of ME.. kinda.. shocking for me.. he know something i don't?
Tabitha says my voice is relaxing.. she isn't the only one who has said that either.  .. i hate my voice.. i think most people hate their own voice though.

so yeah, after Nikki left i ended up watchng Finding Nemo stoned.. kool movie.. better stoned lol. they are right.. the turtle is on something.  damned disney movies and the subliminal messages lol. then after the movie i slipped in a porno.. jerked off and shoveled the end of the driveway. lol


well.. the end is near.. i'm running out of topics of choice for now.. maybe i will log more later like i do sometimes lol.